NINE

Snack time: warm milk with honey and fresh strawberries.

2016 week nine

Sometimes I look at old photos of Vera and feel so tormented by the ache of wanting to hold her how she was 6 months, ago 2 years ago, yesterday, because in those photos I'm not losing control and yelling, or feeling just on the other side of panic, or frustrated by incessant "whys" or whining or crying (Theodore I'm talking about you here). So I'm grateful for these lovely photos of my beautiful children in my tidy, tucked in home, so that in six months or six hours I can sigh and devour the beautiful moments that I didn't take pleasure in. Maybe if I do this enough I can train myself to stop, inhale, and absorb the loveliness of this time, right here right now. And then these moments will overwhelm the "pushed to the limit Mama" moments so my memories and their memories and our reality will merge into a seamless haze of comfortable peaceful rosy days.

I asked Vera to bring me the "long white duster by the broom." These directives were a bit too complicated. So she brought me the dust pan, the feather duster, the duster broom, and the broom. She kept coming back to the room looking halfway confused and expectant, "Is this what you want Mama?"  

My big boy. Vera must have every single toy he touches. She ends up with stuffed animals spilling out over her arms and gives him a mason jar lid ring as a trade.

It is not warm enough to be outside naked. But V would happily live her life wet and cold as long as she can be naked and playing with water. She was so cute that I wanted to take some photos but she would turn at the last minute and make every photo un-internet appropriate. This is still on the edge for some I'm sure. I'm so glad she finally likes her outdoor kitchen. All it took was access to water and a huge pail of sawdust. 

Vera discovered the other baby carrier and has been loving transporting giraffe around the house in it. Also she stuffs another animal into the tiny zipper pocket in the front and says, "This is my lunch. Kitten is for lunch but we can't eat her until we are on the airplane." 

At the nursery last week, I let her pick out a small lawn ornament animal. This is Hippety Hoppety Dandelion Rose Flower Clover Bunny (Dandelion for short). And whenever V spies a patch of clover she has to pick some and run to feed Dandelion. It's as cute as it sounds.

My mom asked me to take some photos of V holding giraffe so my mom could paint her. She wanted her with three different backgrounds.

Here is a small sample of our extended photo shoot. And, ok, I know I am biased, but seriously. This beautiful child. 

My heart just aches at her little face. 

See what I mean? haha.

And here she is at her finest: polishing off an entire Costco hotdog. 

Quotes:

V -Mama, can I see your tooth?
Me *smiling* -yes.
V touches my tooth - This yellow one.
Me *no longer smiling*
Matthew *cracking up on the couch*
Is this one of those times when she's being insane or particularly perceptive? Either way, I'm going to go brush my teeth again.

V- I have a hair in my mouth! *stamping and whining* (hairs in the mouth proceed the end of the world at our house)
Me- Do you want me to get it for you?
V -No. I just need some medicine.
Dear manufacturers of kid medicine, it is fine by me if your medicine does not taste like candy. In fact, it'd be great if it tasted like garbage. Help me wean my little Baby Tylenol Grape junkie.

V notices what everything smells like -often it is very bizarre. She and I have this in common. Matthew teases me because I always think his hair smells like different foods. We were in the car and V said, "It smells like sausage in here." We walk outside, "It smells like a milkshake out here?" In fact, I think she's just obsessed with food. If she encounters anything new, "What's this on the ground?" she will first ask, "Can I eat it?" "What's this spot on the wall? Can I eat it? What's this bug on the window? Can I eat it? What's this flower? Can I eat it? Theo pooped in his diaper. Can I eat it?" I usually say yes and just let her eat whatever it is. Obviously not poop or bugs though. Do I even need to say this?

V -Mama what is that?
Me -Olive oil.
V- Can I taste it?
Me -Yes.
V tastes it with her finger and brings me her cup.
V -Can I have some in my cup to drink?
Me -Uhm nope.



Stories:
We went to a friend's house for dinner and while we were all talking, V slipped away quietly. I noticed she was gone and went to look for her. She had gone into the master bedroom, closed the door and snuggled down into their bed under the covers with a book. How to teach a toddler why it is rude to climb into other peoples beds... I think we need to read Goldilocks a few more times.

The beginning of the week was just spot on for delicious foods. Every day I felt like I was rocking it. Sourdough toast with lemon curd is such a perfect combination. Carrot ginger soup. Dark chocolate mousse with strawberries. Grilled lemon rosemary spatchcocked chicken. And then halfway through dinner prep on Friday our stove made a funny smell, then the oven started blinking, then the burners failed, and it all shut down. On Friday evening. So no stove all weekend, and who knows how long next week. We've been grilling everything (bagels -SO good) but it's supposed to rain for the entirety of next week! I'm going to have to get real friendly with my crock pot -and I know I break a lot of rules by saying this, but I really do not like crock pots, or slow cooked foods. They always seem to have a metallic, over- cooked flavor. The only thing they do well in my opinion is beans. So beans this week -and a lot of them.

Every day after breakfast we listen to "I've Got a Dream" from the Tangled soundtrack. Every. Single. Day. In the middle of breakfast V will turn to me and ask, "After I finish my breakfast I want to listen to I have a dream." She always pitches this like it's something I've never considered before.

We have this (honestly) really good tasting baby medicine for coughs and mucus. It tastes like fresh grapes smothered in honey. Veronica, obviously, loves it. And she asks for medicine every night "so I don't cough in my sleep and wake up Theodore!" Oh so thoughtful and benevolent Vera. It is really hard to explain why we dont just take medicine all the time, how it is not candy, how a little is good but not a lot, and how you have to be actually really sick to take it. She doesn't understand. She just wants the sugar juice. Even when she was being baby sat she kept asking for medicine because she was "so sick." I hate it. I am hesitant to take medicine even at the best of times and I really abhor an attitude of running to medication at the first indication of need. So we thought that maybe if we give her medicine that tastes really horrible we can break this fixation on medicine. So when she asked for some, I asked her if she was really sick and talked to her about the difference between being sick and just liking to eat it because it tastes good. She assured me she really needed it. So I gave her a syringe of vinegar water. I hoped she would hate it and be sad. I hoped. She said, "Ooooh! Mama, vinegar? Can I have some more!?" So much for that...